Journey...

I wander to find the real "me", the unknown self that is hidden somewhere within me, with one big question mark, why I am here. I interrogate the unseen god to help me know the reason why it can't be seen but only felt, do things we feel are true or just an attribute of human brain. I am in search of answers.

I have traveled through some beautiful places. Now how do we define beauty? There are some places that are extremely beautiful and yet people are having very hard life living there.

Differences in their life and my life, compels me to continue my journey, teaches me new lessons to live a life in a more better way. 'Journey' has been inspirational so far.

I love sea. I still remember how excited I was when the first sea wave touched my feet. Having born in a landlocked country, most of my countrymen still don't know how sea looks like, how it roars and how inspiring it can be.

The way sun rises up above the sea, it gives a beautiful message that a special day has begun, live your life to the fullest, travel along with the sun, when it sets in the evening, it won't stop but will continue the journey yet again the next day and hence you also keep on moving. Next morning, there's this sunshine with same beauty, power and inspiration.

Waves come and go. It's so strange that ninty-seven percent of earth is covered by water, and millions die in need of water. What a contradiction, sea is so near, water is so rare.

I can't figure out how big it is, I can't figure out directions, can only see horizon drawing a fine line with blue colored sea.

It looks alive, powerful and true.

Fishermen are working hard to catch fish, their only source of income. I wonder how many generations will continue to have this luck to catch fish, the way countries are polluting sea water. Will we ever stop pouring chemical into the sea? How can we stop its death. I have not seen Dolphins yet. I don't know how whales look like and what are penguins.

The way we are misusing the resources, I fear my children will ever be able to see them.

I climb up towards the hill where I expect peace. Free from busy towns, I feel like I am home, on lap of mother nature. I play with clouds, wish I could fly like an eagle far distance.

I meet many people on my way. Happy, sad, smiling, angry, annoying and lovely faces. Some are found dancing in every beats of nature, while some are having hard time to arrange for their living.

There are children with hopes and pains unheard.

Wish I could do something to change their life. I meet some people on my way who look known since many births.

I remember a Sri Lankan family who welcomed me as a part of their member, a family from Bhopal who were much like my grandparents and some very special friends. How diverse our culture is, it's only the differences in our way of living that bring us together. Whatever language we speak, we all understand the language of heart.

Taj Mahal stands there with history carved into its grave. What made the King build this huge emblem, and how he felt like

when he could just have its glance from a distance through a prison. History says he built Taj Mahal for his wife, and he wanted to have the most beautiful thing constructed on earth. But how sad, he was imprisoned by his own son and he could not touch Taj Mahal after it was fully constructed. But who knows how true is the history. How many people were killed or punished or forced to build this art, to prove how much he loved his wife. Ironically, I too didn't feel any aura when I visited Taj Mahal. I could not resist thinking how the King alone got all credit for its architecture which was in fact built by thousands of talented hands and architects. I may sound stupid, but I doubt, if it was ever created for his wife, who knows the real history. History is what people write. I feel like we have failed to praise the true artists of Taj Mahal.

Who knows what happened in the past, who knows what would happen in the future, who knows if present even exists. The existence of present moment is still unproved in Science. We all are living either in the past or in the future and I can't pause the time.

I know I will never have my questions answered. All I can do is continue walking. But all these journeys empower me with power to choose right path and an inspiration to keep on moving. People I meet on my way help me to learn from their experiences, few things that I share might also inspire them and may be someday, I too can change the way it looks.

Journey is still on....

I want to be someone like this...

Somewhere beneath my line, I see a magic happening everywhere. I stand on the busy road, with every faces gazing towards their goal, to reach their destiny unknown, thousands of eyes and their million dreams.

The train moves on and on, with so many changing places, somewhere desert, some roses, the crowd and trails...and life moves on. A lost love would ever be found, will a lost dream ever be redeemed behind my wall. With hopes, fear, inspiration and a little love, I am still running.

How far I need to go, to call my life meaningful. How many happiness I need to earn, to put one precious smile. How much does it really cost, to bring a sunshine.

It's not about how I really want to do, it's all about what I want to do. I want to feel. Feel everything from my heart, and forget everything that's in my vault.

A little difference that I could add into my life, a little change I could inspire into you, a little thoughts that could help this world change, I want to be someone like this...

Unwritten diary page at Old Age Home

Is this the way how life unfolds its mysteries?

I try to figure out happiness, I should strive for. I prepare a desire in my inner self to enlighten a special joy, completely unknown. And when I plan my ways, I remain quite disturbed and confused. I fear to imagine obstructions, the huddles and every forces that would come in between my struggles and unknown destination. But I have to walk this path anyway. Or do I have any other options? Why is the unknown joy so important that I completely neglect this known smile on my face, living at the moment, being happy for things I have now, why can't I see the bliss, this moment of peace?

I run hard. To get what? To achieve my goals. Why are these goals never ending? Coz, once they end, there would be no any reason for our being. And yes, I am not strong enough to break this chain of 'rat race'.

I struggle to plan how I would be struggling next to get a rewarding life. When I would be approaching the kind of living I was struggling hard for, by then, I stand tall to claim that unknown joy with expectations of eternal happiness, not knowing the hidden fact that a race would then just begin for another set of unknown happiness. The race continues but a never ending loop of unknown destination never fades out. A day would come when I would have no energy to run, but the desire for that unknown happiness would still remain. I would then be forced to sit, and watch generations running hard in the same 'rat race' loop.

And finally I have now reached my destination, 'Old age home'.

I start calculating days I remained awake to achieve this moment of idleness. I count those desires I chose to compromise for this day. I regret the path I chose, my inability to realize the result of the rat race which brought me to this level of disability.

Time clicked so fast. Wish I could go back and distract myself from this race, wish I could change my path, wish I could celebrate every single moment of happiness that I had, those moments of joy I could never see while running hard to reach today's regret. Wish I could have lived rather than always dying for a better life. Wish I could, but I can't.

When I was child, I died to be young. When I was young, I died to make a rewarding career, marry and have children. I then died to see my children grow, their career and their children. Then, I died again when my own children dumped me here to let me die on my own.

Old age home, what they prefer to say, but just a garbage for everyone who are now running hard, the rat race, still going strong.

My day begins with pain on my left knee, this leg, I walked distances carrying heavy loads on my back, earning few coins to spend for my child's happiness who has now gifted me this life of loneliness. I recall those nights I chose to stay without grains, to save for my son's expenses, to save for that unkown joy, rat race. Those savings did not buy this stick though. This wooden stick, now my closest friend, my greatest support. Unconditional support. This stick without life is closer than my children now.

I can't reach that packet of medicine, I try to extend my stick to pull in the packet but I can't. I have diabetes, no sweets allowed. How sweet my little son used to smile when I brought him toffees. Too sweet to remember those moments now, my diabetes going high, gifting me a sharp pain on my forearm. My forearms, my son's best friend when he was nine months old. He used to sleep silently on my arm. Sigh.

I struggle to pull down the curtain of this open window. Cold wind blows enough to let me shiver, I search for some warmth which is never there. And in rains, it's worst.

Time for lunch, I see four young children, they are arranging food for us today, my room mate says with a smile on his wrinkled face. My room mate, he is suffering fever since last night, with stories like mine, abandoned by his sons leaving abroad.

I watch these four youngsters who are here to feed us.

Wish they were my children. Wish I could make them understand my stories. Wish I could bless them with power to come out of their rat race loop.

'Buwa, was the food good?', asks one little girl. 'Yes, my child, too good. Bless you my child.'

But, I could not feel the taste. My tongue now no longer differiantiates a good taste. Only understands the taste of medicine.

I watch a young boy who is feeding my room mate, and this hope to see my younger son runs high. There, I fix my eyes at the highway, thousands running to win their rat race, wish I could see my son for one last time.

Sunsets. Brings another cold night. One more night of struggle, pain and tears.

My wait would continue tomorrow. My wait for death, my destination. My meaningless life, burden for my sons, even if I would die, everyone would continue their race. 'Rat race' to win happiness unknown.

'Come out of rat race, celebrate every small happiness, bring smile on your face, live a life before it's too late.'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnDeYWkdTdg

Getting Nostalgic..

Welcome 2011 !

A new year has just begun. It always feels great to welcome new things and at the same time, it's always difficult to wave away things you like.

2010 - was a year of transformation for me, or a year full of emotions, dramas, accidents, incidents, happiness, sadness, smiles and tears. I don't wanna talk in detail about my past year, but yes, I definitely would like to thank and remember everyone who made my past year, best year of my life.

I might have met thousands of people and visited hundreds of places, but the person who is most important in my life or who is my greatest source of inspiration is, my Didi. I definitely would like to thank my didi for all her love, care and support. Thank you for being with me, for withstanding a stupid person like me who always asks and says crazy stuffs, irritates and annoys every time with repeated stories and loves you a lot. Thank you my didi for everything. Last year, when I was taken aback by my sadness, suffocation and negative thoughts, you were the one who inspired me to live my life from a new beginning. Not to think of what you don't have, but what you can have. You are one person, whose smile makes my heart smile. If my year 2010 was any good, it was all because of you my didi. I'm blessed to have a sister like you. My birthday, Dashain, Tihar, Christmas and every small festivals were so special for me, only because my loving sister was always there with sweet smile on her face. You are so close and special to my heart.

Thank you my other great sister who is thousand miles away, yet so close to my heart. You were always there encouraging me to study, work good and take care of me. When I was once frustrated with the office almost to the point that I decided to resign out of emotional outburst, you were the one who gave a call from Southern Hemisphere to make me understand realities of life. Your smile, headaches and news always touched my heart. I never felt like you were so far away from me, being so close to my heart always, hearing my stories, jokes and songs in chats. How happy was I when you got your first job, salary, apartment, and yes first scolds (coz u broke that camera : ) ), and for everything. Thank you for being my friend to chat with during my boring night shifts, for listening to my crazy stuffs and idiotic theories. Thank you Pritesh dai, for welcoming me with so much warmth and care when I was in Bhadrapur for Dashain. Missed my didi a lot, but the love from Mom and Pritesh dai was too precious. Thank you mom. Thank you didi and thank you ....... for being with my pyari didi taking care of her. : )

The greatest tragedy of Year 2010 - when I was accused to have hit a woman at Sukuna bridge. That was the greatest shock of my life. Without doing any mistake, I was suffering punishment, and I couldn't resist. Special regards to all locals who blindly supposed me to be the culprit and Excellency award to all the policemen who could not find out the truth but just piled up new stories to prove me wrong. Kudos to DSP, Police inspector at Belbari, teachers of Sukuna college and neighbors of injured woman.

However, when I remember that incident now, I no longer hate these people, but thank them all for teaching me a new lesson in my life. A bad experience is always followed by a good lesson. I offer my sincere regards to the injured woman who was of my grandma's age and even if I hadn't actually hit her, I feel so sorry that I could not take care of her properly.

Thank you Chetana didi for being there with me during those difficult hours calling your relatives who were in police explaining every detail so that they could understand the real scenario. Thank you for being there at hospital though you had lots of your own work in office, but bunked them all just because I was in problem. Thank you for giving me shelter in your room, when I was so sad and frustrated to be at home during these tight hours. During world cup, you arranged food for me so that I can stay awake at midnight to have second installment of dinner. Those dinners were really delicious. Thank you for sharing your every anger, frustration that you recieved from your office during those transitional period. And, thank you for forgiving me when I didn't attend the dinner at your place. Can't thank you enough for things you have done for me. You have always been there when I need things from you. Thank you for earphone, mobile and of course our Bhedetar tour with Lorena. : ) Thank you very much.

Thank you mom, papa, my sanumami and sanobaba for being there for me. Thank you mom for cooking delicious stuffs out of your cooking class, thank you papa for your political gossips. Special thanks to my sanumami and sanobaba for going against odds for me. For having faith and trust on me. Thank you all my seniors from Sathya Sai Ashram who spoke for me when I was facing the greatest tragedy of my life.

Thank you my dear friend Gaurav who remained worried when I had that case. You have been a very true friend understanding my frustrations and reasons. Hope we can make it to Darjeeling and Sikkim someday without me being arrested again. lol. Thank you my friends from IOM RR. Thank you so much.

Thank you my supervisor Zafar who had faith on me, entrusted my computer skills and provided me with best collection of meditative music. Thank you Naresh dai for being like my elder brother, always ready to help anyone in need and with a clear heart. Thank you Raju dai, Nakul dai and Prakash dai for being there during my tragic hours, for forgiving me when I used to come late in office and for everything. Thank you Arun dai for giving me some good lessons about Share and Stock market, power of positive thoughts and teachings of your guru. We all came through some good or bad experience in our office, or may be we were so much influenced by political scenario of our country, but whatever, these experiences have supplied us with some great lessons, have made us more stronger to face challenges and think positively. Thank you so much.

Thank you Indra dai for all your words of encouragement. Thank you for going through my boring facebook notes. You showed us Chintan Chautari at Itahari, made me go crazy with bike speeding at 100km/hr, our night rides to Itahari, thank you for sharing your childhood experiences and for supporting my theory of Unconditional love.

Thank you Livia for being a special memory in my life. Our initial meetings at Hotel Eastern star when you didn't understand my super fast words. Your presentation (the last one) was superb. Thank you for organizing dinners at your house, for being neutral during World cup and so on. Thank you Irantzu, Birkha dai, Bandana di, Shiva dai, little Shanvi, Lorena, Rani and entire Badminton team for the wonderful time we shared. Special mention to Irantzu for teaching me that secret, about choosing the one who can dance and cook well. : ) Thank you Birkha dai for inviting me for your darjeeling trip, but so sorry that I couldn't make it. Thank you Arjun dai for arranging for us countless number of air tickets. Thank you Sundar dai for cooking so delicious meal at office and supplying me with noodles whenever I requested. Thank you so much.

Thank you Bharati di, Arunima di and Melinda for the great Indian tour, for withstanding my crazy behaviours. Thank you Bharati di for your words of encouragement and pictures. Thank you all for having faith on me.

Thank you dear friend Ed for staying with us. For our bike rides to Bhedetar, Tamor and matches. Thank you for sharing your travel stories, songs and grandpa's Christmas speech. Thank you for a wonderful dinner, surprising Christmas gift and giving us the best moments of our life. Thank you.

I know I must have missed many persons in this blog whom I should thank for, who were so special during my last year. I can go and go on thanking, as I was so lucky to have surrounded by many good persons who gave positive energy to my life.

This was just a small effort to thank everyone who played important role in my life last year. Sorry if I missed anyone, and my honest apologies to everyone who I misunderstood, spoke against and did hurt their feelings. Apologies to everyone.

Anyway, the year is gone now. And we have a brand new year 2011. Let's forget all the complains, frustrations, anger and misunderstandings and let's move on to new era of happiness. I shall always be thankful to all of you and I shall try my best to make this year more beautiful and full of life.

A new year..a new life..a new time...a new sunshine....Let this feeling of love always remain there...this inspiration to see happiness even when in dark night always be there......and may we never keep ourselves away from "Smile"...

Bye Bye Year 2010.

Happy New Year 2011 !! : ) : )

With love,

Gopal

Just a small effort

Gopal Trital, 16 November

We were so delighted to see a rising number of viewers to our recently added video presentation "The Abandoned", about parents who were left out or abandoned by their children. It required a mere effort to create this video and it needs even a least effort to bring a care to our elders. And, if someone feels inspired, that's what we wanted to achieve. Let's spread this inspiration...as my dearest sister says "Small effort brings big changes".

Yes she is right. We don't need a big plan nor you need to dream big to bring a huge change in the society. You don't need to give up your profession, nor do you need to cut out your salaries, you just have to feel it from the bottom of your heart, and make a small contribution.....not in terms of money but in terms of effort or a change in attitude.

We went to this Old Age Home in our town, and we were touched by elders living there. Whatever be the condition of the Old Age Home, the owner needs a real appreciation for what he has been doing. He is running the old age home on its own. Yes, like everywhere, this old age home was also defficient of some basic stuffs. The owner had been doing his best to make all the elders feel good. But, as they say, everything needs money, it is understandable that a person alone, cannot arrange everything on his own, but whatever he has been doing, hats off to him!

What do these elders expect from us? They don't want money from us. They don't want any stuffs...all they want is love, a feeling of care that we are by their side.

Some elders are here in Old Age home, coz they lost their sons or daughters in wars, accidents or other calamities...but it's so sad to know that majority of these elders are the one who are rejected or abandoned by their own children.

How can the new generation be so self centered and selfish that it soon forgets how they were cared for, educated and supported by the old generation. I hate when they feel secured and happy, throwing away their old generation into old age home....What about themselves...they too gonna be called old generation someday.

Even, the government turns so blind towards this issue. Government just feels that elders get everything they require with a mere Elderly allowance of some 500 or 1000 rupees.

We can't stop what's going on. We can't bring the change overnight. We can't bring any big change. But, we have just made a small effort to bring a change in your heart. You don't need to contribute huge amount of money or donate to any old age home. Do things that bring happiness to your heart.

All we wanna say...."Care for your parents".

The Abandoned (My Video Presentation)

The Abandoned My video presentation about Parents who are left out and abandoned by their children.....Let's care for our parents...they need our love not "OLD AGE HOME"..

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Night Shift

Gopal Trital, 16 Nov 2010

It's a long duty and I need to be awake for twelve hours, when every other countrymen are lost in their dreams. Yet, I feel lucky enough, at least, luckier than who can't sleep, not because they suffer insomnia, but because they suffer pain, some are crying in hunger, someone might have lost their dear ones, and someone might be shivering of cold winds....at least I am luckier.

Yes, I too may have complains..that I don't get good pay for my hardwork or not a good contract to work for or not a good work to do...but what about those Rickshaw pullers who labored hard all day long and couldn't even arrange for a medicine for his son..and how about those labors in Saudi Arabia or Qatar who works overtime with minimum pay for they need to pay off their high interest loan......and not a good work?? How about those who work in Medial laboratory, peeking into all kinds of human excreta and throwings.......

My job is far luxurious than what 70% of world do....and still I complain...coz..I have this habit to look up...track those 30% who show up their high living standards in TV, Magazines and everywhere...

This moment, when I am sitting alone and writing this blog, I feel like I am the King of this world, for all my fellow citizen are sleeping, and I am enjoying this comfort to express my feelings...and I can do whatever I like to do...and what they can't do at this moment.

I love writing but I often write stupid and meaningless stuffs..and I still believe..."every new thoughts are considered stupid in our society".

My theory of Unconditional Love

Recently, I was asked to 'enlighten’ my theory of love viz. Unconditional love.

I often don't get appropriate words to express my feelings and this is the reason, I see myself misunderstood. I didn't have words to explain the term 'unconditional'.

When you ask me about love, you expect me to show references to a lover, girl friend or a wife. But is the term love so 'limited' to define only the relationship levels between boy friends and girl friends or wife and husband?

I apologize, here's where I feel lagged behind. The term Love for me is something that inspires me, makes me happy from within and a boon for my life. When I talk about love, I talk about soul elements, not the physical expressions or feelings that you count wise or wrong. This inspiration can come from anyone - a mother, father, sister, girl friend or wife or whoever. I am talking about love - not the relationship, not the physical terms and conditions, and not about the brains.

When love is unconditional, it doesn't matter if you are rich or a poor, dumb or a clever, illiterate or a genius. It doesn't fluctuate with the distance and is immortal. For instance, I loved my grand ma when I was two years old, when I knew nothing. I grew up enough to get my first job, knew about computers, earned college degrees, and still I loved my grand ma. It's been more than two years now that my grand ma left me away, and still I love her. This is what I call Unconditional love.

Well, had my Grandma been alive, she would have better tackled the situation with her inspiration that still makes me believe "unconditional love" exists.

Some people believe that "Unconditional love" exists only with parents. But I don't agree. Again, this is a soul thing. You believe it or not, some souls are interrelated for ages, and it doesn't matter what relation you are in.

One has to be the luckiest being on earth to have someone whom he/she can love unconditionally. Again, you cannot love someone unconditionally with your conscious efforts. It comes from your soul not the brain, not even from the heart.

Compromises, egos and brainy things manifest when the relation between two individual is defined by brains and perspectives. I might say - I fell in love with a girl, later - might get married to her, have good relationships with her, share my every feelings but still....that relation might still not be an "unconditional". And this is all normal. UNCONDITIONAL anything is so rare. And, it needs a perfect coincidence for a 'mate' to carry the long-aged interrelated soul.

I accept. I may be wrong. A definition varies with personal perspectives. And, I realize, I am the luckiest for I got to meet my long-aged souls as my grand ma in the past and as my soul-sister in the present. These two people make me believe "Unconditional love" exists.

The love you talk about, and talked about, sorry, it was not the love I was trying to explain about. You meet someone, like something about him/her, have physical attractions, you have feelings that seem linked with his/her heart, and you give a name to this all........"Relationship"......So, the love you talk about is "Relationship thing" not the unconditional love I tried to talk about. Yes, if there’s the soul thing in your relationship...Unconditional term DOES EXIST.