01:35 AM, 04 April 2011
Out of nowhere, I am typing in my thoughts, my blog after a long gap, views I didn't prefer to jot down. I am talking to myself, what exactly am I doing right now rather than taking a bit of rest or having a late night "breakfast" or watching a movie. My TV is still shouting out loud "India's WC victory on Aaj Tak, finally muted. Few people wonder if I do watch the "Occasionally aired erotic Russian Channel", and I wonder why I don't prefer to watch it. Long have gone the ages that pornography is confined; people no longer have to wait for midnight shows, it's all easily accessible in internet where you can download for free; movies with obscene scenes are no longer considered vulgar; well conservative mind should now understand, world has now changed; the only thing important is you need to be true. Being a part of today's generation, if someone denies that he/she is unknown to porn; he/she is acting fake. It's only the truth, good attitude and self discipline that really makes a person different; leads him along a noble and human path. What's the difference between Terrorist and Security forces; both have guns; one follows the path of inhumanity while the other seems to protect humanity. Having said that, I don't back up the need of pornography, I am against it, the way it goes against Women where feminine is only linked with sexual aspect of male dominant society. There have been debates over this topic, questions raised to minimise its presence, but still left unheard and unanswered. Personally, I find no any positive aspects in porn, it cultivates negative thoughts towards females; it portraits women as a substance with no any intellectual being; where 90% of world is still male dominant, it just helps to worsen the exploitation.
Well, ‘m not watching it…but to have written these words in a public page might be considered wrong; I really do believe in showing your true side of life, even if it’s dark. Your truth might never hurt anyone the way your fake being hurts.
Just realized, was distracted, so, here is what I really wanted to write.
Sometime I really do wonder if I need to change the way I am; but again, I fail to. I see relatives around me who are faking each other for the sake of money, friends back biting in each other’s absence and duality everywhere. When a person feels loved, he feels hurt when he later knows that he was loved to extract things out of him. One of my friends recently summarized his story; the way his aunty used to treat his grandfather. The old man was quite happy that his daughter-in- law loves and respect him which he was quite sure of, the way she used to talk good things to him in his presence. But whenever the grandfather was out of house, my friend’s aunty fired out her anger towards the old man, like how a burden he has been, and she is all doing this only coz she expects he would later sign his land to her. Grandfather comes, her fake smile, and again grandfather feels loved and cared.
These days, all I hear and witness is, relatives acting unreal. I wonder why they always feel like overrating someone makes a person happy. I have observed people who are good inside but so fake to the world outside; I do hate meetings that tend to focus on topics concerning someone else. I love to be with people but I want to keep the conversation going on about either you or me, when it comes to pinching someone else who is not present in the gathering – “something that you never have gut to express in their presence”, I can imagine you talking about me somewhere else where I would not be present.
About two years ago, I was shocked when I attended a small gathering; the way they were expressing views about a woman employee, the one who have been working with them for more than five years. And I realized, how fake is the world, how fake is everything, and how powerless I really am. It took quite a long time for me to come out of it. I wonder, why, is this the indication, I need to change?
Not just that recent past, I could see friends misunderstanding, colleagues fighting and parties being converted into a theatre of obscene language and allegation. While everyone points out “alchohol or mistakes or blah blah blah” the reason for a sudden eruption; I point it out – it’s a threshold of fake identity that bursts sometime. Had you been true, you might not have been so good, but still, you might not have hurt the other person, the way your fake identity has hurt.
I confess, I am not a social person, I don’t have bunch of friends and I can’t talk to you like the way you can talk to me, but at least, whatever I give you, I try to give you true. I’m proud to have a few true friends who are always there even when I’m happy or sad, quite lucky to have my dearest soul sister who is always true to me and who I can be true with, my other sister far yet so close who understands me and above all, my grandmother who was always a true being, she never cared if someone would get angry or happy by her true views, she never talked greasy, she never acted.
I don’t want to give anyone a fake happiness, fake love and I really don’t enjoy when I am not true. Still, the environment I live in tends to change me, why and for what, and I wonder would I ever be able to adapt with the way everyone is enjoying the fake identities around....
... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth….(Alexander Supertramp, “Into The Wild’ paraphrased Thoreau)
