Post from Lumbini (The Birth place of Buddha) ...

My wandering has brought me here to this place where once a great wanderer was born. He wandered to find the cause of sorrow; while I'm wandering to find the real happiness; for things I've been lacking.

The bike ride that started at Naya Baneshwor of Kathmandu to this place here, has been simply superb! Speeding at 80 km/hr and praising the wonders of nature, I forget all my problems, complains, tragedies or anything distracting. I find myself inspired, motivated and encouraged to step on a new journey with every miles I ride.

'm writing this blog from Lumbini Park; @The kingdom of Shakya. My words are still the same but their meaning look more blissful here. For the past 16 days, I've been out from my city, stayed almost 15 days in Kathmandu, discovered the social "Gopal" who could dissolve with strangers only to find them as soul relatives; lectured everyone about the value of education, found a girl who I liked for she was not only beautiful but she also carried a lot of potentials to prove her father's dream; re-discovered a old friend who had been waiting for me to accept her proposal, sadly I'm not in a position to reply with 'yes' - she needs to be more serious on her career and now she looks promising; danced like there was no tomorrow in the wedding party of dear Nitu di, biked almost everywhere in Kathmandu, realized the peace at Namobuddha Monastery, traveled to Sangha, Manakamana and everywhere I felt like travelling, I lived a life I always wanted to live like, this has been the most memorable tour.

In Kathmandu, the traffic jams sucked, roads were always crowded and everyone seemed busy. The queue to passport was tiring. Neetu di's wedding kept me running here and there, transporting families, sometime the Bride herself. :)

I was often shot hard by this question "why did you choose to travel alone, and don't you feel bored". I am without answers. Friends looked unconvinced by my wandering for the unknown; they misunderstood the reason. I have no logics and theories to prove that my reason is genuine nor I claim its genuineness. I might be wandering for a meaningless reason or it might yield me no result, but I had to start this. It's always better to try once, than complaining for your problems. This is my way to find the solution, my way to realize the unknown.

Unfortunately, I can't keep the journey on; need to pause it; for I'm still chained in responsibilities. I think I should write the truth, it was a little difficult for me to understand the realities of life in Kathmandu when I couldn't stop liking a girl who was already in relationship with someone. But, let me clarify, for me, liking doesn't always mean to be in relationship. I lack friends; friends with soul connections; she had that. That was not the love, nor I demanded the lifelong togetherness, I was just expecting to live a few minutes of my life with smile, a meaningful smile. I always feel hurt when I'm misunderstood. When I do things for people I go out of my boundaries; and when I ask a simple thing for my happiness, there comes the logic, theories and questions.

Bungee jump; sadly I couldn't make it, but I promise to go for it someday again.

Lumbini Park; people are walking, singing and laughing; I'm not. I'm trying to connect to the great soul here, with prayers, if I would find that unknown happiness in me; if my wandering would end.....

Bliss!

On Journey towards MY destination...

This stiffness jam-packed; desire to find the unknown; the true happiness.

I have not been chained, you can't see me locked anywhere, but that doesn't mean I'm always free. Someone asked me 'what do you want to be free from?’ Everything.

I have been wandering since long to find a true happiness for me. And, in the journey between, I've found many shadows of souls from previous births. I was lucky to find them; but unlucky they could never understand what I wanted truly. Every day I was explained in their new words of definition; with their sadness and happiness their definition of my behavior would change. When I would ask for something, even if it was so easy to grant, they would try draining my want with their words of logics and theories.

It's been so painful. The pain, that you can't see on my outer world, it's somewhere beneath, keeps me haunting.

No. Don't try to stop me. I'm already on this path to discover the real me; I can't let myself chained again in your thoughts. 'Don’t come closer or I would have to go'.

Don't go for fake, it always ends on tears.

The life is still a long way; feels like I have done nothing so far. Strangely, this path of wandering has brought me a new sense of doing 'things I always wanted to do'. The bike ride from Biratnagar to Kathmandu was one of those. Next; l'm heading for a bungee jump soon; bike ride to pokhara, palpa, lumbini, probably a trek in Taplejung, and many more. All alone. And, 'm not worried.

I want to experience new feelings now; wish to ride far towards new horizons for a new hope, in search of my true happiness. It's such a joy to be with strangers that I can't explain but experience.

Planet Earth is more than what we know. It is alive. Its beauty inspires, warns, troubles and teaches a new lesson every day. For ages it's been here and would still remain here even after our generations, but its voice is getting feeble, surpassed by noises of traffic. And if you can hear its voice, it's all so pure, peace and serene.

Every day, sunshine lights a new hope, every sunsets pauses the journey; and then the next day 'm in a new arena inspiring me to move ahead for MY destination.

Sunshine, a new ray of hope

Calls me there far from my shadow

Let's walk feels my heart

Crawls me down to roads narrow

Beyond the stars darkness heal

Or souls they fly without a breathe

Sound I hear a calling clown

Tucks me down to drowning stone

On the wheel, the feeling unknown

Keeps me jumping through the walls

Nights I wake and days I dream

Feeds me down to line undrawn

I wanna go somewhere far

To free myself from this war

High and high I wanna fly

Away from comparisons

complains and cry

Into the wild...........

War Within...

Heart and mind acts differently...

Heart always favors impressions. But it lacks the capacity to analyze. If we like someone, just likes it, it won't pause to calculate the merit, demerit, plus, minus or any outcome or any shortcomings. Body (mind) on the other hand keeps on warning; rechecks, confirms and validates every steps. Surprisingly, heart and mind speak two different languages, one doesn't understand the other.

Heart ensures its seniority over emotional matters as that's where we feel blessed or hurt when we are happy or sad. But, mind boasts of being an embodiment of ground reality.

It's always a war that we witness everyday, probably in our every actions, between heart and mind.

For a while, 'm through this pain; 've been listening to mind only; heart is hurt. And, 'm the one who has given this pain to my own heart, but for the sake of what my mind is guiding.

People say I'm a person with a golden heart: but; heart always favors impressions; and I seldom give my heart any opportunity to express it's core feelings and it remains silently hidden somewhere beneath the nutshell of mind.

Like her? Probably yes... But, no, coz she is unaware of me, what she knows is the impression she has of me. I love to be true. If a person likes your true being, that would be the true like....

Law of attraction foul plays law of logic. Heart vs mind, in other words.

Relationship status: 'm single.. :)

My Thoughts Microblogged, October

October has been a month of thoughts. Every now and then thoughts popped in and it was "Twitter" that helped me blog it.

Here are few of my selected thoughts posted in Twitter this month. Could not stop sharing these....

These are just my thoughts; apologies to everyone who might find it irrelevant or unimportant or disagreeable...

@gopstrit tweets:


“Dashain might have mythological reasons, celebration of victory of truth over false, or victory of godliness over demonic figure but for me, this looks more like a mass assassination of ignorant animals followed by inappropriate waste of money, grains and a compelling burden for poor. It is quite believed that Dashain makes the relation better, but it creates the classes among people and deepens the gap between them.”


“Far from this light, and everything dark, I wish to go far towards my place to fly high and free, no thought of loss, or a gain, just a smile...”


“Eyes; why don't they feel; the same way as my heart; I wish to sleep on your lap, here I come from a long way, from corners where cries are unheard...”


“.. a smile is often hidden in sadness we passed through in the past; every hard moment we lived, when we think about it, is just a fairy tale now…”


“my words are hard to understand, I agree!”


“It's been about a month that I haven’t posted a blog. It's just a waste of time when words I write rest like dump of my useless views n ideas. I find no inspiration to write anything now, for either it fails to explain, or it fails to bring out my truth in their eyes. However, every word I write has a deep meaning and it meant what I truly felt. Every word describes me, the real me. This is the only way how I can express my feelings, through words; I find no other better way. “


“I don't like many people. I'm sorry I can't act like I like them and if I would, that would just be fake. I don't have reasons to dislike them though. And, I myself don’t like this thought of dislike. I'm not competent enough to judge anyone. Probably I don't know the practicalities of life.”


“Beyond the stars darkness heal; Or souls they fly without a breathe; Sound I hear a calling clown; Tucks me down to drowning stone.”


“If u can hear me screaming even when I'm silent to world, I would then call you a person who truly understands me, 'm silent when I feel your pain. And, if you could see me right into my eyes, when I'm silent, u would then see words, pains, dreams, happiness, that aspires to come out; jammed in.”


“Let me free, Higher n Higher; Color of happiness, Let it not bother, A glimpse of sweet pain; Silent scream, That's never heard; Take me far away, Into my world, Where differences die, Let me free”


“When you do something best, funny, stupid for that one person whom you love most from deep down your heart; one smile is what worths a million.”


“Reasons are never the reasons to share smiles or tears; even in silence if a prayer is heard, it is what I call an unconditional love. It's misunderstanding minds when they perceive love can n should exist only between life mates.”


“It's not light everywhere that makes you enlighten, it's the light within that makes me feel happy n glad”


“Sometime people misunderstand me; I don't want love n caring; what I want is true heart to understand me. I can't love and don't have thousands people with whom I can act as if I love them; if I'm loving someone that's so rare and special. This love, rare and special, is not anyway the outcome of my childhood, immature mind or family problems; this is just me. I often feel sad when people misunderstand that I'm selfish, proud, unsocial and narrow minded. I just want to be true.”


“Rivers, Mountains, Glaciers, Plateaus, Islands, Deurali, Ukali, Bhanjyang, Chautari...There is so much I've yet to see... am I alive?”


“.....was watching NatGeo yesterday, a leopard was helplessly trying to save a kid Leo who was injured; why humans lack such feeling. And there was a show about dinosaur's extinction; it shows that everything comes to end no matter how mighty or bigger a creature is. “


“my sister says I think a lot and there are people who say I don't think, and my mind always sleeps; fact is I don't think but I'm inspired to have a thought.”


“don't give me what has been asked; at least give what I deserve. Complains were never there, I just wished to bring a new start. Insomniac thoughts.”


“The world that people ask me to step in, I have spent lives out there; the world I wish to breathe in, for them it's never understandable...”


Reply to: @RGVzoomin's tweets:"God Exists?" "Is he Hindu, Muslim or Christian"?

“Neither Hindu nor Muslim nor Christian, I think god is a psychological condition that comes with need based blind faith. It is just the result of how a group of ancestors tried controlling the other, showcasing a fear of unseen, naming it 'god'. I would have believed more in ‘Ram’ if he were born in Jerusalem, ‘Krishna’ in US and ‘Mohammad’ in Africa, it isn't so, because people made god, he was never born. “


“I've always believed - compositions are reflections of personal experience, optimism in your creation shows how inspiring your living has been. Being myself a novice blogger, 'm at times confused if our compositions are actually a fiction or some sort of reality. And I really find it difficult to write about something which I hardly have experienced! Don't know if it is healthy for a writer.”


“And, when I'll Go, It Won’t Be a Bang, But A Silence Will Prevail. It Won't Fetch Tears But Will Inspire Smiles. It Won’t Be "Into The Wild" But "Into The Life"