Looking back at Year 2011

Looking back at Year 2011

Year 2011; a year full of adventures, curiosities, questions, answers, pain, cries, tears, sadness, happiness, excitement, prayers, hopes, wait, patience, success, travel, dances, songs, everything…..

Here I summarize some of my beautiful memories from the Year 2011.

A New Start!

Year 2011, January brought in my life a belief of achieving a new horizon. Time had come to initiate a new start. And, we made it.

My sister’s volunteering travel to Vietnam was one of the most remarkable achievements.  For everyone else, it was just a flight to Vietnam, but my sister and I knew it was so precious for us. And, that hadn't come through easy means. It was after a series of struggles, prayers, wait, distress, hopes and patience.

My soul sister; I had always seen in my sister’s eyes something meaningful. She was full of positive energies, always, no matter what the situation would bring. It was even long before Global Volunteer Network’s competition's result announcement, I had felt somewhere in my heart that she would be going a long way.

One month; her volunteering days in Vietnam for all those children, was a learning experience for me and my sister. My sister was being alive, waking every morning with a meaningful smile on her face. Every day, sunshine would bring her new hopes and encouragement to keep herself walk towards her goal. She was teaching kids, helping elderly people to smile and sharing a bit of happiness to everyone. And, reading her blogs, I was learning about life.

March- ‘Be The Change’ conference in Florence of Italy. I realized my sister was no longer a simple girl; she was growing up to become an inspiring reason. Her plan to help a poor girl student by arranging funds from her friends was just an example how she wanted to reach her goal. Her goal in life was to bring lights for all those needy people. And, for that reason she wished to study hard, and be knowledgeable enough to address their issues.

August – flight to Finland. I was in Kathmandu to see off my sister. We were quite busy shopping, making arrangements for her travel, doing vague calculations and amidst all these, somewhere in a small corner of my heart I was already missing her, a thought that she would be soon departing to Finland for three years, was bringing some sort of sadness, for she was my only closest person, my best friend.

We were sitting outside Tribhuvan International Airport waiting her turn for the entrance. Clock was ticking hard so fast, oh, that was the moment we were waiting for, since the beginning of Year 2011, and there we were living it. I was quiet, trying to console myself that she was not going away but was getting closer to her dreams. It was about our dreams. My sister’s dream.

That final moment; she entered the Airport; waving us a bye; I was crying in a strange way, not showing to the outer-world. Prayers. Prayers. I kept on looking towards her, till I could, and then she faded out amongst the crowd. In a matter of second, Kathmandu looked all empty. But, I was the happiest person on earth, for my sister was flying towards her real dream…yay! We made it.

That was not the end. That was the beginning of a new start.

Living the life at various settings

Our house was being renovated. I opted to stay alone, to discover the real self.

Birthday celebration with Neetu_Joshi di & Chetna_Bhandari di

My first place of residence was at Neetu_Joshi-di’s flat. She was away on a leave, and that brought me a new place of residence for a month.  Oh! that was the most memorable living experience. My first ever cooked chicken soup was bad enough to throw it away, but it was the tastiest dish I had ever made myself. Surprisingly, it worked; the reason for which I had cooked it, to cure the cold; I was successful. I was living like a king without any worries of load-shedding for the flat was always supplied with uninterrupted power from the inverters. While the whole world seemed silent due to long power cuts, I used to watch my favorite shows on TV.  Every morning, kids used to play discordant songs out of their games, which was the only effective alarm to wake myself early. There were no ways to avoid those noisy kids, either get adapted to the situation or wake up and make a new start towards your dream.

Birthday celebration with Chetna_Bhandari di

Arun_Malla-dai’s room; again, he was on leave for a month, and I moved at his place. Coming to his room, it was like moving from tranquil Himalayas to scorching African desert. I was no longer a king, but was one of all who had no options than to stay silent during load-shedding hours. To make it worst, there was no any sign of coolness in the room. Bed, floor, TV, Bathroom, water, everything seemed emerged in heat. But, as I say, it’s the situation that brings out true abilities in you; I soon started adapting to the new circumstance.

With Birkha_RajGurung dai & Neetu_Joshi di @Koshi Tappu

Birkha_Raj_Gurung_dai’s flat; he was all alone in a five roomed flat, so I promoted myself from being a single resident to a flat-mate. Birkha_Raj_Gurung dai; the only word that can describe him is ‘Cool’. I had never seen a cool person like him who always remained constantly happy throughout. He had a magical charm, and I never saw him getting angry or sad. I wish if everyone including me would be like him, we would have never lost any relations. Sharing the same flat for next seven months, I learnt that he was a hardworking person, a loving and supporting husband to his wife who was studying far away, a caring son and a good human. Every evening, he used to cook food himself, and for no any single day he complained. I was staying there like a rude flat mate, without paying my share of room rent, leaving my room in disparity with clothes everywhere and at times, waking him from his sleep to open the flat-door during my late arrivals; but he was always same. I never saw him complaining, never heard him back-biting about others; never saw him living a double life, never faking things, unlike many others. He was like a brother, with a sweet smile.

I’m grateful to Neetu_Joshi-di, Arun_Malla-dai and Birkha_Raj_Gurung-dai for helping me discover the art of living independent life. Thank you for providing me the shelter and a wonderful lesson that it’s not where we live defines us, but it’s in all how we live.

  

Re-discovering Prashanti Nilayam

September, 2011. I was lucky enough to help an Indian family reach Puttaparthy for the treatment of their female family member’s complicated heart disease. She was treated all free of cost and with all care. She got a new life!

It was my fifth visit to Prashanti Nilayam. But, the first visit since Sathya Sai Baba left his body.

Prashanti Nilayam – was once my place of stay for three months during when I was preparing for the entrance examination to study in Sathya Sai’s college. But, I was counted unsuccessful citing an unsatisfying reason. During those days, Prashanti Nilayam had witnessed my frustrations, pain, tears, hunger, sufferings and prayers; I feel like the place relates to my reality, knows me, the real me.

I was never a die-hard supporter of Sathya Sai Baba, never believed blindly that he was the incarnation but yes, I have always admired him for I have always considered him as a great person who has not only revived millions of people through Water projects, Educational institutes and free-service Super-specialty hospitals; but has also motivated people to follow the path of peace and virtue through his wonderful teachings.

But this year, something made me turn my head to enquire about him from a different angle.  

I was praying in a Ganesh Temple when an old lady who was sitting on a wheel chair called me in a strong voice and demanded me to take her to her room. The same evening, she saw me walking and asked me to take her to the Gayantri temple. She was quite weighty. She might have been twice my weight and didn’t look any weak or ill. At Gayantri temple, I was shocked when she didn’t hear Volunteer’s request, didn’t obey temple’s rules and even started talking about Security Officer of Sri Sathya Sai Central Trust back-biting his stringent actions. I noticed she was not having severe complication to walk, and in fact, she was acting lazy to walk, which would have been at least beneficial to cut off her weight. Back in Ganesh temple, she would demand anyone to come before her and they must have to listen to her words against security officer; and at times follow what she would order. She would stay there as the Big Boss, ordering the volunteers, and sometime even verbally accusing them if they would not follow her orders.

I later knew that she was one of the rare luckiest people on earth who Sathya Sai had personally called to stay in Pranshanti Nilayam and sing Bhajans for him. She was staying there for more than thirty years, and I was surprised, she was not following even the basic teaching of Sathya Sai to follow path of love and peace. 

Being there, she was not changed in thirty years, how people thousand miles away would expect the change singing Sai Bhajans, I doubt.

Prashanti Nilayam suddenly looked like a place filled with ignorant people. They either had a blind faith or were largely exaggerated by the fellow Sai Devotee. No one would allow anyone to question about Satya Sai’s genuineness. And, even if questions are raised, they would try discouraging such attempts with theories from ancient writings like Ramayana and Mahabharat which are still not been proved to have been a record of real events.

Observing The Changed Look of Prashanti-Nilayam

I was taken aback by a simple yet meaningful question by my friend.

We were returning from a show in ‘Chaitanya Jyoti’ museum where they had highlighted Satya Sai’s teachings about the importance of service to others. The documentary featured a character who was a poor cobbler who later realizes that he needs to help poor to make himself or the god happy. He realizes that he was doing a mistake by hating an old beggar woman. He later starts caring the old beggar woman and asks for the forgiveness for his cruel behavior.

The message was simple; serve poor, you will serve me (Sathya sai). We were approaching Prashanti Nilayam where almost 10-15 beggars were lined up outside the ashram perimeter pleading for help, food and money. My friend asked me, “Gopal, there are many biggies, including trustees, who are living here in Prashanti Nilayam. They have apartments, cars, flashy businesses, and no doubt heck of money, and they claim themselves to be an adherent Devotee of Sai Baba…. If everyone here is following Satya Sai’s teachings…then why are these beggars here every day? Why aren’t they helped? If the message from the documentary was counted seriously, there should have been no beggars here…right?”

I was speechless.

What is the use of spirituality if it doesn't make a person polite, soft-spoken and loving. Worshipping doesn't make a person religious. This is what I find lacking in Prashanti Nilayam and the residents here. This is one area where I feel Sai Baba has failed to educate Puttaparthy-people and his so-called disciples. (FB post /gopaltrital)

'm having lots of questions; doubts n confusions about its existence, genuineness n its effect on my life, specifically satya sai. Am I turning atheist? I wish to be like those in a science class, if u don't question, don't doubt n believe blindly on your teacher, how would u learn? At the end, if I turn atheist, it would be more logical than a superstitious faith. ( FB post /gopaltrital )

My mind needed an answer; I was full of curiosities. I tried looking Satya Sai literatures, but they just appeared either like monotonous praise of Satya Sai or unaccounted/unproved records of his miracles. There were thousand questions and not a single answer that could justify my curiosity.

Even the last claim of Satya Sai that he would die at the age of ’95?’  was being either answered as a mystery or exaggerated to have been fulfilled through some strange calculations.

No doubt, India has many Babas, Gurus, Bhagwans, Matas, Yogis, who are politically attested, safeguarded and their properties are never accounted for.

This year marked as my growth from a believer to seeker to Devout Atheist.

Advertised (sometime referred) Yogis, Gurus, Godmen tend to hide behind the so-called true ideologies of said holy epics like mahabharat, ramayan, bible, etc. whenever a cross question is asked. Sometime I feel like these said epics were created by a genius artist as a true creation; a creative story or a drama. N, over the ages people found this as a tool to control a set of people who else could not be controlled physically. People, who wanted to rule, could now rule by creating an image of superpower called god, who would punish if a rule is broken. (FB post /gopaltrital)

Initializing the dream ‘Into the Wild’

Destination; don't ask me where I'm heading for; it's all unknown; you just wish me a luck that the road be ended somewhere near you….

I always want to travel. The reason why I travel, however, might be different.

Now, a new journey awaits me, 'I want to live my life, my way'... You might have your own paths to define that happiness; keep it for yourself... I have my own, though a little different, it's the best for me!

The bike ride started from Itahari. My destination, for the time being, was Kathmandu. I was excited, happy and proud of myself that I was doing it.

The Bike ride from Biratnagar to Kathmandu was such an amazing experience, though with some pain in ***, I would never regret coming here on Bike. For everyone who might ask why the heck I needed to be on bike rather than bus, 'we always do that'; sometime there needs no reason to do things; things you've always wanted to do...it's sometime special doing things differently, in a weird way, step ahead!  (FB post / gopaltrital)

The 90 km /hr bike ride through plains was a thrilling experience. The scenic hills kept me move ahead. Tea stops, people, their changing faces and speaking styles; from east to west; the ride was just the beginning of my dream ‘Into the Wild’.

I have not been chained, you can't see me locked anywhere, but that doesn't mean I'm always free. Someone asked me 'what do you want to be free from?’ Everything. (Blogpost, 15 Nov)

Yes, I always wanted to unleash myself. Without anyone’s control, anyone’s support, I wanted to make it happen. I wanted to see how far I can pull my abilities to bring out the reality in my dream. I wanted to start it someway, found the bike ride as one of those ways.

I was not expecting anything. I was in search of my questions, the unknown happiness - real happiness. No one else would be able to understand what happiness truly meant for me, so I myself had to make the attempt and it’s always better to try rather than regretting. I was speeding all alone, through the deserted highway, observing the digital speedometer change its number along with the rocking beats on my earphone.

I tell you it's an amazing journey you live, that I can't write about but only experience, when you pass through a highway penetrating scenic hills on your both sides, crossing long bridges and reflecting upon every songs being rocked on your ears...  (FB Post gopaltrital)

The bike ride to Lumbini from Hetauda was unplanned. It all happened; out of nowhere; without a valid reason; yet for a meaningful purpose.

My wandering has brought me here to this place where once a great wanderer was born. He wandered to find the cause of sorrow; while I'm wandering to find the real happiness; for things I've been lacking……

I was often shot hard by this question "why did you choose to travel alone, and don't you feel bored". I am without answers. Friends looked unconvinced by my wandering for the unknown; they misunderstood the reason. I have no logics and theories to prove that my reason is genuine nor I claim its genuineness. I might be wandering for a meaningless reason or it might yield me no result, but I had to start this. It's always better to try once, than complaining for your problems. This is my way to find the solution, my way to realize the unknown. (Blogpost from Lumbini / 26 November )

One day, you will come to ask this, 'so what did u gain?', I shall reply you with a smile that would tell all my story.... no regrets! (FB Post back @ Biratnagar , 30 November)

Now, it feels like a huge pause, dark silence after a soaring bike ride...I was more alive when I was on the go... Missing the life I lived! The more I write, the more I would get misunderstood; wandering never stops; why?

Let me free, Higher n Higher, Color of happiness, Let it not bother, A glimpse of sweet pain; Silent scream, That's never heard; Take me far away, Into my world, Where differences die, Let me free..

"And, when I'll Go, It Won't Be A Bang, But A Silence Will Prevail. It Won't Fetch Tears But Will Inspire Smiles. It Won’t Be "Into The Wild" But "Into The Life"... 

Renouncing Love (?)

Do you want me to answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to your question?

-   'm not in state to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’…so you better focus on your studies and career and move on!

Love speaks enigmatic language. I know it’s all about perceptions, but for me, love doesn't necessarily mean - 'to be in relationship'.

I don’t know if it was a love (your kind of love) when it had all started years back. Through all these years, either we have misjudged our feelings or misunderstood our reactions. I am not saying I am right, I could be wrong, but that necessarily doesn’t mean, you were always right.

loving is just not about getting; it is also about letting go....for a meaningful reason; all I have learnt from my life so far is, when you are standing on that dilemma to choose between two paths, always choose the one that relates to your ground reality, not what you like/dislike... Heart vs mind, war within..Mind wins again! My poor heart, let it go... (FB Post/ gopaltrital)

Year 2011; I don’t know if I’m trying to bring the friendship out of the love or proving the friendship which was based on love. For you, it might look like I renounced the love…for me, it has just started.

I know 'moving on' is not an easy task, but believe me, I’m also sacrificing something that you would never understand.

For now, let’s free ourselves, let’s focus on our studies….and then, future could hold anything for you or for me or for us or for them.

Soul Vibration

Heart always favors impressions. But it lacks the capacity to analyze. If we like someone, just likes it, it won't pause to calculate the merit, demerit, plus, minus or any outcome or any shortcomings.Like her? Probably yes... But, no, coz she is unaware of me, what she knows is the impression she has of me. I love to be true. If a person likes your true being, that would be the true like....Law of attraction foul plays law of logic. (Blogpost /gopaltrital 12 Nov)

The first time I saw her, I liked her for she looked beautiful. But, later, she didn’t look as beautiful; I found that her potential to grow up and realize the dream of her father was even more beautiful.

Never underestimate or overrate any person by how s/he looks or how s/he impresses you at the first meet. In fact, you can never estimate anyone's capability or weakness. Everyone is a genius unless he/she is unaware of his/her capabilities. (FB post/gopaltrital)

I’m a different kind of person. While other boys would be happy to admire the beauty, would consider proving themselves manly by compelling their counterparts to enact slavery, I would love to encourage them to grow up and follow their dreams.

In general context, 'marriage', 'husband' n 'children' define the future of woman's life in Nepal. What about their own capabilities, interest and talent? Why do women need to showcase their complacency of being a housewife to a successful husband in the name of love? Why not a successful wife? Girls, you should rise in love rather than falling in love. (FB Post/gopaltrital)

Having been to this age, discrimination by male dominant society is not the only factor that has led to the weakening of women's position; one of the major factors, is the lack of self-awareness in women themselves about the tremendous advantage she has over man.. Women themselves have to initiate their capabilities if they wish to sustain in a society like ours where gender equality is still a complicated issue. (FB Post/gopaltrital)

Sometime, when you know you are right, you need to give damn to what others say, for you know they are there just for the sake of saying.

Basically, more than her color or anything, I liked her subconscious attempt to fulfill the dream of her father. She should understand that there are girls who are talented, who have dreams but yet are helpless for they are not supported either by their parents or they are financially weak to carry out their dreams.

Don’t believe anyone blindly, not even the person who you love most; world could be much different than what you know.

There were people who were misunderstanding our closeness to have been something else, but we knew it was all virtual. I have already said, for me, ‘like’ doesn’t mean love; and love doesn’t mean to be 'in relationship'.

The only thing that can destroy the meaning of friendship is ‘misunderstanding’.

I'm surprised and often affected invisibly when my word unbuckles a strange misinterpretation; and the rights everyone possesses to understand my words in their own way. They figure it out at the best of their indefinite capacities and turn out at me to shock me with things I've never asked for. And, the one I ask for is never heard even if I put it in a simple way. Talk to me for a clarification rather than enacting fake or a satirical remark. I hate misunderstandings! (FB Post/gopaltrital)

Year 2011; a rise of a wonderful friend... (at least I think so)

Discovering the family amongst strangers

When I reached Kathmandu, it all looked like stadium full of strange faces. I was skeptic about how didi’s relatives would be. I was surprised to find that I was being cared, loved and welcomed as a part of their family members; unlike what many others would have done in Kathmandu.

 'It's an inexpressible joy that I experience when I meet strangers rather than the known faces.'  (FB post/gopaltrital)

It was a memorable stay with Reecha_Pradhan and Rubina_Pradhan who are like my younger sisters though Mom later named the relation to have been a ‘Father-daughter’ relation. I was glad enough to find a grown up daughter. :) The third musketeer in the house, Shweta_Pakuwal was equally warm and welcoming though at times she chose to stay silent (coz of her phone calls) or she hated to clean the kitchen. The arguments and discussions about their routine tasks (cooking + cleaning and TV Serials) provided daily dosage of entertainment for Nitu didi and me. And, more than the serials, their explanation or proclamation of story used to be more interesting. Reecha’s counseling sessions (even when not about NIIT), Rubina’s body expression while talking and Shweta’s unknown ‘stare’ was remarkable about the house.

When Nitu di’s family arrived later, I was then worried if I would be able to adapt with everyone. I am always an unsocial person. I seldom visit my relatives. And, I rarely participate in social functions.

But, it just took an hour, to find myself as the part of Nitu di’s family. They were all so warm and loving. Mom and Buwa were so caring parents. Sanjay dai, Saurabh dai, Pritesh dai, Bhauju and Kunal everyone looked more as my relative than a stranger, in fact they were more than a relative for me. I was so happy to be with them. Mama and Maiju pairing was wonderful. Mama’s knowledge of astrology and curing disease was remarkable. He even read my lines and said that I would be a millionaire, either by marrying a rich girl or would be winning a grand lottery (for me, both looks like a lottery :) ). Mama’s sense of humor is equally commendable.

As everyone had arrived in Kathmandu for a grand celebration, I was the one who was busy transporting family members. I hope I could manage equal share of transportation to each and everyone in the house. :)

After the Grand celebration was over, everyone was planning to visit Manakamana, but an email from my office about indefinite bandh ruined the plan. Later, the bandh was found ineffective. Buwa, Mom and I, on the behalf of everyone, visited Manakamana the following day. It was simply awesome. The cable-car ride was scenic. The view of Mountain ranges was superb.

View from Manakamana

Time speeded so fast. I had not then realized that they would all be departing, and I would be all alone again. The happiness was short lived but was not temporary; I have found relatives amongst the strangers.

The unplanned journey (on bike, brt-ktm) and the unintended stay for almost 10 days here; 've found me a wonderful fren, warm relatives and ever caring affection from everyone; completely out of strangers. This is so special for a person like me who is so unsocial with an inability to make new frens. 'It's an inexpressible joy that I experience when I meet strangers rather than the known faces.' Being into the wild, in search of a real happiness; I wish to be here for forever but the journey has to be on; for I know it's more on the way. Time is getting close to wish a goodbye, with hopes that the wave would invite more life. (FB post/gopaltrital)

‘Neetu Weds Ramesh’ – The Grand Celebration

Finally; about the Grand celebration of the Year 2011.

Shopping, Shopping and Shopping. It all explains about the preparation. 

Nitu di knew everything. She had all calculations, all plans and all the ways to carry out those plans. Every evening, one of our primary tasks used to be hear her shopping lists. Not to forget, this used to be followed by Demos by three musketeers in the house. It all ended when finally Ramesh dai took her away. :)

Anil dai was generous enough to lose some cash during a card game:). Atul dai’s aka Mohit Chauhan’s songs; Bharati didi’s pictures and Pritesh dai’s rough bike rides were memorable. Sakin dai and Sangeeta di were such a nice people. They always cared and made sure that everything was going good. They are the most lovely couple I have ever seen (along with Neetu di & Ramesh dai’s :)). Not to forget, Sakin dai even managed to record my ‘Into the Wild’ song out of my pseudo-drunken state.

Neetu_Malla (my soul mother in Southern-Hemisphere :) ) ’s wedding ceremony was the reason why I was in Kathmandu. I had never enjoyed in any wedding ceremony like the way I enjoyed in her wedding. As she is from Newar community, it was a learning experience for me to know about how people marry in Newari culture. Saipata – was one of the remarkable formalities, I must say. Whatever the bridge-groom side brings, the bride side has to return in double. That gave me some hints about how I could turn the future-forecast of Mama, about me being a millionaire, true. :)

The party celebration was full of fun. When people started dancing on music, I was thinking that I should stay away. But soon I found myself dancing in the middle. I was dancing like there was no tomorrow. So, that was how I chose to end my travel. I wanted to unleash myself. No more restraining the feelings of pain or happiness. Every songs; I was in my own world. Steps didn’t matter; it was all about being ecstatic.

The more I was dancing, the more I was getting proud of myself, thanking me for giving me such a wonderful feeling of joy and happiness. I was so ecstatic that I was behaving like a drunk; and was not able to hold any feelings. :)

Unchained! It was the best time of Year 2011.

Last words

Year 2011; has been the best year of my life. It has taught me lessons. It has gifted me wonderful memories. It has helped me grow. It has helped me cry. It has motivated a smile.

Year 2011; I thank everyone for helping me discover the Year 2011 at its best.

I am not including names this year for if I do, the list would get longer than this post. :)

Thank you everyone!

Year 2011; has also been a year of the closure of our office in Biratnagar.

I’m starting a new year in a new place at Bharatpur. When year 2010 had ended, I had new dreams for 2011; and I must say, all those dreams have been fulfilled. Year 2011 has also helped me see new dreams and I would be following them in a new way…. another year awaits me…

Travelling makes me wander for insatiable demand of happiness; Study makes me grow for competitions ahead; Pain makes me more stronger; Happiness keeps me inspired; Failure teaches lessons; Difficulties conspire new opportunities.... ''m on the move along my path with colors ahead' ..

See you next year!

Lots of Love,

Gopal

Smile as an angel..But never be fake

Bring me a feeling

The unknown happiness

I’m tired chasing shadows

Light as a feather

Let it be at your heart

And when I’m caged in distress

Just, smile as an angel

All my knocks

Fakeness greets me high

Paint me a true color

Soft as a soul

Let it be at your heart

And when I’m lost in darkness

Just, smile as an angel

Will you turn my fate

Heal this pain inside

Burn all logics, theories

Blissful as you

Let it be your assent

And when I’m raising a request

Just, smile as an angel

And, even if you are chained

Confined, not able to smile

Send me a silence

Try not to fabricate

Stab me harder the way you want

But, please never be fake…

Gopal Trital

07 December 2011

Believe in what you believe

Gopal Trital

07 November 2009

I woke up this morning, and saw her eyes. A new mantra has been planted, mantra for the day, as I name it.

Believe in what you believe.

What does it really take to have something that we can name it a moment of success? Answers are different, because perceptions vary. Success might have some limited definition in a dictionary, but human heart is something that possesses the ability to modify any definition or create new.

I recently watched an interview of a renowned Management professor, who always remained dedicated to his students, never engaged to teach any extra coaching classes, though it could have brought him financial incentives, for he thought that might be an injustice to students coming to colleges to attend his classes. He never bunked his classes in the name of participating in political gatherings. Though, he could have chose to earn millions a year with no any hardships, he decided to choose the tough path. For him, it was just the right path, as he always believed in what he believed. He didn’t run after money, foreign life, luxuries, etc., but he has won, he chased his true aim that gave him satisfaction. He is not successful today if anyone compares success with money, but he is far more successful for he believes success is there within his heart where his self-esteem and self-satisfaction still exist undiluted.

I want to achieve something that is almost impossible to gain. Am I wrong to choose an impossible aim, or am I wrong to name it impossible? I am not an exception, I too have left and right hemisphere inside my head. So, vibration of both bad and good ideas passes through my neuro-wires. I couldn’t sleep well today, for I am still confused to choose between these two ideas, which one is real or a least fake.

I woke up this morning and saw her eyes. And got my answer, a new mantra has now been planted; mantra for the day as I named it, but it could be a mantra for my life.

Believe in what you believe, my child. Looked like she said that, but she was still far away, but the one in my heart knows she is so close to change my life.

I can see everyone is running after their own set of goals, to be more frank, after money, financial status, luxuries or something like that. Why do I find myself different from them? Why do I have so dissimilar aim, and why I want something that is almost impossible to have?

Answer follows. You are a part of this “Everyone” and you too are running after your own set of goals. You are no different from anyone, yet, you are unique at your own capabilities differing from everyone. Just like five fingers, they might have similar composition of flesh, bones and blood, but look at their attributes. They are all different and serve their unique functionalities in a human body. Similarly, you are different in your own originality.

What is aim? It’s not a point but a horizon. Once a famous traveler decided to find out the end-point of Earth. He started the great voyage sailing east towards a point where he saw sun rising up from the water. He thought that could be the end-point. He sailed for hours, days, months, years but still was so far from that point. Every morning he could see sun rising up from the water but still he was so far from that point.

Same is the aim in everyone’s life.

Impossible itself says I’m possible. Today, you might say, it’s impossible to travel back in time. Yesterday, they thought it was impossible to travel on air. Tomorrow, they would think traveling is so old idea to be explored. We stick to scientific laws only till when we don’t get a new law to prove that the older one was wrong or had some flaws.

If science doesn’t prove the existence of anything, then does it really mean that it doesn’t exist? Or, the science lacks some laws to prove its existence. I spent twelve years of my life with a believe that Pluto was also a planet in a solar system, my younger brother now proves me wrong showing a new discovery that reads “Pluto, no longer a planet in Solar system”. When I was studying in Class 1, I was scared of getting most dangerous disease of that time, or at least I thought so, fearing Tuberculosis or Cancer. I was scared of a villain whom I had seen in a newly released film and was surprised to see calculator calculating vague calculation and always wondered how TV worked.

Today, I don’t fear T.B. at all, medicines are there, don’t fear cancer too, for I have known of some other dangerous diseases like HIVAIDS, oops….I was recently updated with a new name…Swine Flu.

I no longer get scared of that villain, for I get to read in news about bomb blasting, wars and Terrorism. I no longer wonder how TV works, I am using a Laptop to talk to my sister who is millions miles away, yet, I don’t wonder how it works.

Simple thing, everything changes. So, does the science. So, is the status of an aim….impossible to quite possible to possible to low-valued aim (when the aim is achieved).

My child, you are in a war. And you don’t have rifles, bombs or anything except one. Your belief is your only weapon. If you want to win, you have to stick to your belief, don’t listen to them, don’t compare yourself with anyone, don’t justify yourself on the basis of scientific laws, don’t change yourself for them, change for good, for everything is changing, but goodness never changes. And, if you would win, you would see your belief hadn’t changed. Today, you start a new belief, tomorrow; they will imprint your belief as a new law.

Wake up my child!!!!!!

Post from Lumbini (The Birth place of Buddha) ...

My wandering has brought me here to this place where once a great wanderer was born. He wandered to find the cause of sorrow; while I'm wandering to find the real happiness; for things I've been lacking.

The bike ride that started at Naya Baneshwor of Kathmandu to this place here, has been simply superb! Speeding at 80 km/hr and praising the wonders of nature, I forget all my problems, complains, tragedies or anything distracting. I find myself inspired, motivated and encouraged to step on a new journey with every miles I ride.

'm writing this blog from Lumbini Park; @The kingdom of Shakya. My words are still the same but their meaning look more blissful here. For the past 16 days, I've been out from my city, stayed almost 15 days in Kathmandu, discovered the social "Gopal" who could dissolve with strangers only to find them as soul relatives; lectured everyone about the value of education, found a girl who I liked for she was not only beautiful but she also carried a lot of potentials to prove her father's dream; re-discovered a old friend who had been waiting for me to accept her proposal, sadly I'm not in a position to reply with 'yes' - she needs to be more serious on her career and now she looks promising; danced like there was no tomorrow in the wedding party of dear Nitu di, biked almost everywhere in Kathmandu, realized the peace at Namobuddha Monastery, traveled to Sangha, Manakamana and everywhere I felt like travelling, I lived a life I always wanted to live like, this has been the most memorable tour.

In Kathmandu, the traffic jams sucked, roads were always crowded and everyone seemed busy. The queue to passport was tiring. Neetu di's wedding kept me running here and there, transporting families, sometime the Bride herself. :)

I was often shot hard by this question "why did you choose to travel alone, and don't you feel bored". I am without answers. Friends looked unconvinced by my wandering for the unknown; they misunderstood the reason. I have no logics and theories to prove that my reason is genuine nor I claim its genuineness. I might be wandering for a meaningless reason or it might yield me no result, but I had to start this. It's always better to try once, than complaining for your problems. This is my way to find the solution, my way to realize the unknown.

Unfortunately, I can't keep the journey on; need to pause it; for I'm still chained in responsibilities. I think I should write the truth, it was a little difficult for me to understand the realities of life in Kathmandu when I couldn't stop liking a girl who was already in relationship with someone. But, let me clarify, for me, liking doesn't always mean to be in relationship. I lack friends; friends with soul connections; she had that. That was not the love, nor I demanded the lifelong togetherness, I was just expecting to live a few minutes of my life with smile, a meaningful smile. I always feel hurt when I'm misunderstood. When I do things for people I go out of my boundaries; and when I ask a simple thing for my happiness, there comes the logic, theories and questions.

Bungee jump; sadly I couldn't make it, but I promise to go for it someday again.

Lumbini Park; people are walking, singing and laughing; I'm not. I'm trying to connect to the great soul here, with prayers, if I would find that unknown happiness in me; if my wandering would end.....

Bliss!

On Journey towards MY destination...

This stiffness jam-packed; desire to find the unknown; the true happiness.

I have not been chained, you can't see me locked anywhere, but that doesn't mean I'm always free. Someone asked me 'what do you want to be free from?’ Everything.

I have been wandering since long to find a true happiness for me. And, in the journey between, I've found many shadows of souls from previous births. I was lucky to find them; but unlucky they could never understand what I wanted truly. Every day I was explained in their new words of definition; with their sadness and happiness their definition of my behavior would change. When I would ask for something, even if it was so easy to grant, they would try draining my want with their words of logics and theories.

It's been so painful. The pain, that you can't see on my outer world, it's somewhere beneath, keeps me haunting.

No. Don't try to stop me. I'm already on this path to discover the real me; I can't let myself chained again in your thoughts. 'Don’t come closer or I would have to go'.

Don't go for fake, it always ends on tears.

The life is still a long way; feels like I have done nothing so far. Strangely, this path of wandering has brought me a new sense of doing 'things I always wanted to do'. The bike ride from Biratnagar to Kathmandu was one of those. Next; l'm heading for a bungee jump soon; bike ride to pokhara, palpa, lumbini, probably a trek in Taplejung, and many more. All alone. And, 'm not worried.

I want to experience new feelings now; wish to ride far towards new horizons for a new hope, in search of my true happiness. It's such a joy to be with strangers that I can't explain but experience.

Planet Earth is more than what we know. It is alive. Its beauty inspires, warns, troubles and teaches a new lesson every day. For ages it's been here and would still remain here even after our generations, but its voice is getting feeble, surpassed by noises of traffic. And if you can hear its voice, it's all so pure, peace and serene.

Every day, sunshine lights a new hope, every sunsets pauses the journey; and then the next day 'm in a new arena inspiring me to move ahead for MY destination.

Sunshine, a new ray of hope

Calls me there far from my shadow

Let's walk feels my heart

Crawls me down to roads narrow

Beyond the stars darkness heal

Or souls they fly without a breathe

Sound I hear a calling clown

Tucks me down to drowning stone

On the wheel, the feeling unknown

Keeps me jumping through the walls

Nights I wake and days I dream

Feeds me down to line undrawn

I wanna go somewhere far

To free myself from this war

High and high I wanna fly

Away from comparisons

complains and cry

Into the wild...........

War Within...

Heart and mind acts differently...

Heart always favors impressions. But it lacks the capacity to analyze. If we like someone, just likes it, it won't pause to calculate the merit, demerit, plus, minus or any outcome or any shortcomings. Body (mind) on the other hand keeps on warning; rechecks, confirms and validates every steps. Surprisingly, heart and mind speak two different languages, one doesn't understand the other.

Heart ensures its seniority over emotional matters as that's where we feel blessed or hurt when we are happy or sad. But, mind boasts of being an embodiment of ground reality.

It's always a war that we witness everyday, probably in our every actions, between heart and mind.

For a while, 'm through this pain; 've been listening to mind only; heart is hurt. And, 'm the one who has given this pain to my own heart, but for the sake of what my mind is guiding.

People say I'm a person with a golden heart: but; heart always favors impressions; and I seldom give my heart any opportunity to express it's core feelings and it remains silently hidden somewhere beneath the nutshell of mind.

Like her? Probably yes... But, no, coz she is unaware of me, what she knows is the impression she has of me. I love to be true. If a person likes your true being, that would be the true like....

Law of attraction foul plays law of logic. Heart vs mind, in other words.

Relationship status: 'm single.. :)

My Thoughts Microblogged, October

October has been a month of thoughts. Every now and then thoughts popped in and it was "Twitter" that helped me blog it.

Here are few of my selected thoughts posted in Twitter this month. Could not stop sharing these....

These are just my thoughts; apologies to everyone who might find it irrelevant or unimportant or disagreeable...

@gopstrit tweets:


“Dashain might have mythological reasons, celebration of victory of truth over false, or victory of godliness over demonic figure but for me, this looks more like a mass assassination of ignorant animals followed by inappropriate waste of money, grains and a compelling burden for poor. It is quite believed that Dashain makes the relation better, but it creates the classes among people and deepens the gap between them.”


“Far from this light, and everything dark, I wish to go far towards my place to fly high and free, no thought of loss, or a gain, just a smile...”


“Eyes; why don't they feel; the same way as my heart; I wish to sleep on your lap, here I come from a long way, from corners where cries are unheard...”


“.. a smile is often hidden in sadness we passed through in the past; every hard moment we lived, when we think about it, is just a fairy tale now…”


“my words are hard to understand, I agree!”


“It's been about a month that I haven’t posted a blog. It's just a waste of time when words I write rest like dump of my useless views n ideas. I find no inspiration to write anything now, for either it fails to explain, or it fails to bring out my truth in their eyes. However, every word I write has a deep meaning and it meant what I truly felt. Every word describes me, the real me. This is the only way how I can express my feelings, through words; I find no other better way. “


“I don't like many people. I'm sorry I can't act like I like them and if I would, that would just be fake. I don't have reasons to dislike them though. And, I myself don’t like this thought of dislike. I'm not competent enough to judge anyone. Probably I don't know the practicalities of life.”


“Beyond the stars darkness heal; Or souls they fly without a breathe; Sound I hear a calling clown; Tucks me down to drowning stone.”


“If u can hear me screaming even when I'm silent to world, I would then call you a person who truly understands me, 'm silent when I feel your pain. And, if you could see me right into my eyes, when I'm silent, u would then see words, pains, dreams, happiness, that aspires to come out; jammed in.”


“Let me free, Higher n Higher; Color of happiness, Let it not bother, A glimpse of sweet pain; Silent scream, That's never heard; Take me far away, Into my world, Where differences die, Let me free”


“When you do something best, funny, stupid for that one person whom you love most from deep down your heart; one smile is what worths a million.”


“Reasons are never the reasons to share smiles or tears; even in silence if a prayer is heard, it is what I call an unconditional love. It's misunderstanding minds when they perceive love can n should exist only between life mates.”


“It's not light everywhere that makes you enlighten, it's the light within that makes me feel happy n glad”


“Sometime people misunderstand me; I don't want love n caring; what I want is true heart to understand me. I can't love and don't have thousands people with whom I can act as if I love them; if I'm loving someone that's so rare and special. This love, rare and special, is not anyway the outcome of my childhood, immature mind or family problems; this is just me. I often feel sad when people misunderstand that I'm selfish, proud, unsocial and narrow minded. I just want to be true.”


“Rivers, Mountains, Glaciers, Plateaus, Islands, Deurali, Ukali, Bhanjyang, Chautari...There is so much I've yet to see... am I alive?”


“.....was watching NatGeo yesterday, a leopard was helplessly trying to save a kid Leo who was injured; why humans lack such feeling. And there was a show about dinosaur's extinction; it shows that everything comes to end no matter how mighty or bigger a creature is. “


“my sister says I think a lot and there are people who say I don't think, and my mind always sleeps; fact is I don't think but I'm inspired to have a thought.”


“don't give me what has been asked; at least give what I deserve. Complains were never there, I just wished to bring a new start. Insomniac thoughts.”


“The world that people ask me to step in, I have spent lives out there; the world I wish to breathe in, for them it's never understandable...”


Reply to: @RGVzoomin's tweets:"God Exists?" "Is he Hindu, Muslim or Christian"?

“Neither Hindu nor Muslim nor Christian, I think god is a psychological condition that comes with need based blind faith. It is just the result of how a group of ancestors tried controlling the other, showcasing a fear of unseen, naming it 'god'. I would have believed more in ‘Ram’ if he were born in Jerusalem, ‘Krishna’ in US and ‘Mohammad’ in Africa, it isn't so, because people made god, he was never born. “


“I've always believed - compositions are reflections of personal experience, optimism in your creation shows how inspiring your living has been. Being myself a novice blogger, 'm at times confused if our compositions are actually a fiction or some sort of reality. And I really find it difficult to write about something which I hardly have experienced! Don't know if it is healthy for a writer.”


“And, when I'll Go, It Won’t Be a Bang, But A Silence Will Prevail. It Won't Fetch Tears But Will Inspire Smiles. It Won’t Be "Into The Wild" But "Into The Life"

'Tihar' strikes again...

‘Tihar’ is one of the greatest festival in Nepal and is more precious to brothers and sisters who display a everlasting bond of love and affection; which I’m sure no any festival in any other parts of world displays.

It’s always wonderful to have a sister. I was lucky enough to have a biological sister and yet so unlucky that she could never be my sister.

Many people think that I’m a single son to my parents; which is not true, I have a younger biological sister too. But the distance between us is so far and so diverted that we do not feel like we are siblings. In fact, we rarely face each other and seldom exchange words. Our worlds are different; thoughts are not matching and no any feelings of love for each other. The family circumstances to which I was born was completely different from a normal environment. When I had realized the consciousness, I was already away from my biological mother and sister. There might have been reasons to it; for why the fate had to be like that, but the fact is I was away from them for more than twelve years since I was three years old. That obviously left me with no any feelings for them, no any soul connection; and I don’t have any complains. But, unconsciously I was always alone during childhood; that kept changing me to be more unsocial, alone, unfriendly and emotional. There was a railing in the barandah at my home, where I often used to sit silently; sometime waiting for my grandma to return from market, at times waiting for my dad to return from India with dream gifts and often waiting for someone who could sit beside me. I never told my likes and dislikes to anyone. Yes, my grandma was closest to me, she gave me all the love that a mother could have possibly given to her child, she was my everything. There were my uncles who always loved me, made me who I am today, my two brothers who were my senior friends and there were no any shortcomings in my childhood days. But, what I’m writing about today is not love, is not the affection, or not the relation. I’m just writing about how emotionally I was changing, how distant I was in reality and in the inner-self. There were people loving me, caring for me and no any problems whatsoever, but still, there were things that I always kept locked in me and never could share. In fact, I realize, I was missing my sister during those days. My father’s sister, who I call a sister, is the most loving sister, I agree. She has given me all the love and care, but even then, I could never share her my feelings. Never could I be frank to her, though I tried many times.

With this emptiness I could hardly make any friends in schools. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have any friend. I had a very few special friends. Four friends in my entire schooling, two friends in my entire college studies. But, I could hardly share the locked feelings with them.

I was excellent in studies, everyone loved me but still I was so empty inside. Shallow. There were quite few problems in my school years but that was not the actual reason for this emptiness.

I always missed my sister. A sister for me is someone who would be able to understand me; the real me. Whom I would love so unconditionally, who would be with me not just to hear my words but to feel the pain or happiness in my words. In my journey of life, I just wanted a sister to sit beside my seat to make me feel I am not alone. I never wanted a friend, but a sister, true sister, to which people often mistaken me to have been deprived of friends.

It took me a long time to realize that relations don’t come with births; but are connected through souls; until I found my soul sister. This is the most precious achievement in my life after leaving that job in Standard Chartered Bank and joining United Nations, I found my soul sister.

But it was not easy. People often misunderstand me to be love deprived; they often feel like my nature is the cause of the problems I had in my childhood, or for they experience I don’t relate to the practicalities of my life. None of these were true, I could never make them understand that the things I have been missing is not something that could be sorted out logically, it’s about the inside, the feelings, the heart, the soul.

United Nations; Nitu di; people often misunderstand she is my soul sister. She is more than a sister to me. Yes, I call her a sister but she is more like a mother to me. She is someone who I wish to have as a mother if I’m born again. At times I feel she talks to me like a mother would talk to her child. She has that understanding ability. She is close to my heart, but still I could not share her my locked feelings. I tried to; and at times, I was misunderstood or even ignored, but as I said, she always wants me to improve, be good and be more practical, like any parents would suggest. Yes, she definitely loves me, but again, it’s not what my inner-self was missing. After the demise of my grandma, she is one person whose love has rescued me. I can’t love many people even if they are my own relatives. But, I love only special ones. If I love someone, I just love them unconditionally. She is one of those special persons who I love unconditionally. She is more than a soul sister to me. Future mother, I love to write.

A Cancerian, poetic, creative and with ‘chucchi´ look, I found my soul sister. “Jo” she prefers to write, is someone who I instantly fell in love with her true nature. She is inspiring, strong, independent and so much like my grand ma. 2009; when I had first Bhai-Tika from her, I was having tears on my eyes, which I tried hiding with full efforts. There was some soul connection that started vibrating my heart, making me alive. She was having strong will power to study further, to be on her own, to take care of her parents, her sister, she is a super girl. She had no wonder suffered many problems like everyone but there was something different in her that made her stand out from rest; positive thoughts to move forward.

Now she was there with whom I could share what I feel. I was surprised to find myself so happy when she was happy. When she was sad, I too was sad. I could feel her pain; which I hardly feel for any other person. People often tag me as a selfish, a person with no feelings and specially my relatives know me more as a stone hearted. My closeness with Jo di was not the outcome of Nitu di’s departure to US, which some people claimed. It’s not the vacuum that makes me close to anyone. And, if I’m not close to anyone, I cannot be close to them by trying. Jo di and I, now we realize, we are soul relatives, true brother and sister. I still remember her happiness when she had won the GVN competition, her excitement; first Bhai-Tika from her hands; her strong faith in God that every problem would be solved, her prayers. I still remember the first time I saw her crying, I cried hard too when I was alone back my home. The excitement how she would react to the first glimpse of sea in Digha, how she would react to Indian trains, her days in Vietnam, Italy…everything’s so special. And, this hasn’t come through birth, neither as a result of a vacuum, it’s just a soul relation, unconditional love, I love to write.

Her inspiration is still keeping me moving.

Last Tihar was so much fun. And, this Tihar, I’m missing her so much. The same way I was missing my sister when I was child, I am finding very little happiness this Tihar. But again, she is far for a good cause, and she is yet so close to the heart. She is my real soul sister.

Tihar strikes again...,’m missing my ‘Jo’di..my true soul sister.

Indian tour… train is passing through stations to stations….Delhi to Jaipur…. Howrah to Digha…. I’m alone in the window seat…. Showing off like I’m composing some piece of writing…yet so lone inside…. Seat beside me is empty…. I’m praying within, soul sister, please be here, don’t be so distant…let me not be this alone…I just want to share you how happy I’m feeling looking outside at those scenes.. read my poem that I’ve just composed, it’s no more a pessimistic piece of writing, I’ve painted lines of hopes and magic…..still feel like I’m sitting in the railing in that barandah where I’m missing u...just be here beside me….. never a complain, was just a thought to bring a new start in me….something I’m missing since years…..

(a note from my diary page ‘Indian Journey of three groups and me’)

Into the Wild...By Gopal Trital

Into the wild.... By Gopal Trital

Sunshine, a new ray of hope

Calls me there far from my shadow

Let's walk feels my heart

Crawls me down to roads narrow

Beyond the stars darkness heal

Or souls they fly without a breathe

Sound I hear a calling clown

Tucks me down to drowning stone

On the wheel, the feeling unknown

Keeps me jumping through the walls

Nights I wake and days I dream

Feeds me down to line undrawn

I wanna go somewhere far

To free myself from this war

High and high I wanna fly

Away from comparisons

complains and cry

Into the wild...........