A long pause, in between...

The greatest fear is not ''fear of death''. 

The greatest fear is ''what would people think or say about me if I do this''

If we can overcome this fear, no hindrances would long exist.


For me, I have been through the fear mentioned above, fear of death, at number of times, and each time I find myself on the brink of probable end, I have discovered a new beginning to my life.

Life had been a little complicated. Now, has been much more miraculous after I have adopted optimism in my thoughts and actions.

It’s been almost a month in this city, and it feels different than what it was like eight years back. Everything is same; roads, routes, places, major buildings, even the people, but the only thing that has been through a transformation is time. I remember friends that I had befriended here eight years back, my school friends, college friends and the bond we had.

After all these years, I find myself back at the same place. Joining in a new college here, the most natural feeling should have been that of frustration that I would have to study along with my juniors who were not even born when I was studying in school. On contrary to that, I find myself more junior to them.

As one of my teachers here recently said that a person becomes mature either by age or by thoughts.  My new mates over here they belong to the second group. I am amazed by their ideas, their insights, their aims; and few of them really possess that power to re-define the role of youth in Nepali society. Frankly, I feel happy to resume my studies and to join a group of students like these.

Getting back to my life, I don’t feel any regrets for years that I have lost in between. In fact, I don't consider it as a loss. I have gained more than what I could have gained in colleges; love, care, affection, soul-relations, practicalities of life, pain, struggles, sufferings and salaries. I can assume that I am luckier than my contemporaries. There are few advantages of joining a college late, too late in my case. First, by now, most of my friends from  school are either frustrated by the demands of their wives/family; second, most of them might be regretting for the course/career options they chose for; lastly, almost all of them must be missing their college life and I'm sure they gonna miss it for whole their life.

This decision to resume my studies was not easy. First, I had to leave a UN job; second and most difficult, I had to give a break, four years break, to my unquenchable thirst of travelling. Honestly, except formal education, I lacked nothing. I could have chosen a new job in Nepalgunj and then earn more than 30 thousands monthly, travel wild and wide around Far West; but somewhere within me a voice kept on insisting me to change my track and go for the upgrade.

Maverick; the term describes me. From mountains to sea, bike rides east to west, tragedies childhood to college days; these journeys have been my teachers. Being free and independent have been my destination. But, I have realized that complete independence is unattainable. Roads never end, and we need to pause before setting out for a bigger journey.

With this pause here I am striving to get stronger in my abilities and this is my kind of preparation to set out for a bigger journey ahead, my kind of journey, not the journey that society sets.

“The best thing about studying is that you realize you belong to just one of the many dimensions; and it feels great to get along with people having different perceptions and ideas. I reiterate, for me competition or scoring higher grades is not that important, the only purpose I'm here is to upgrade my own skills and understanding.”

I still remember things my grandma had said, dreams she had for me; ‘be a great man’; I know I would never be as great as she wanted me to be, but I know she will still be happy and proud if I never give up.


Gopal Trital
http://gopaltrital.blogspot.com
03 September 2012