At Howrah; echoes within chaos

Too many people. The railway station is house packed with faces. Each face affixed in different heads. Each head has its own set of problems, happiness, shortcomings, complains. Passengers come and go, station remains same. Today, 'm here and tomorrow I will be somewhere else. A group of people has just dropped off the train and they are in rush either to reach somewhere out in the city or to catch another train. And, there are people, 'm one among them, who are staring at them, watching the ant rally, waiting for our turn to get out of this place.

Varieties of religions, rich, poor, ill healthy, normal abnormal, everyone can be seen sitting, smiling, walking, running under the same roof. Some are busy eating food and some are busy staring at them.

Among these all, I find it hard to see small kids begging, collecting remains of food from wastebags, poor woman carrying her child emotionally compelling guests to donate her money, and differently abled children who are acting completely different here. There are children at our homes who have this habit to choose what they don't like to eat; and there are classes of people who can't imagine their life without Pizzas and Burgers; and here are the mass whose children have never entered KFC or dominos; but they are no backward, they often get to taste those foods from the wastebins.

I find it difficult to remain here. Chaos...

Poors are tortured everywhere. First, they don't get to travel with comfort coz they can't afford costly higher class tickets, and second, even police and TTE find these people as an easy source of money. As far as I know, there is no weight limit of baggage you could carry on trains, and no exact definition of what you can carry. But poors and illeterate are often charged fine for carrying their goods. Poor people, they have no option than to donate the fee, else get ready for the charge.

It's been twenty-four hours since I boarded the train at Jogbani, and 'm not loving it. Along with me is a family whose female lead is suffering a heart disease. The male lead was complaining me the other night that he has never been in peace since he married her six years ago. I could do nothing than to express my condolence. His wife has made him spend almost sixtyfive thousand Indian Rupees until the 'Big' hospital in Siliguri suggested him to take her somewhere abroad or to Puttaparthy.

Puttaparthy is an abode of Sri Satya Sai Baba, where he has built a superspeciality Hospital especially to cure Heart disease. The special thing about this superspeciality hospital is it treats free of cost. No check up fee, no medicines charge, no operation fee, completely zero. That's the only place where this family could afford her treatment, and probably the only place in India where she could be treated. Well, we would get to see if she would get the positive result once we reach there.

Sri Satya Sai Baba, there are lots of controversies surrounding him, even after his death. There are people who worship him as an avatar of god, and there are people who criticize his every actions. Well if you ask me, I would say, it's like tossing the coin and getting the third side on. I dont hate people who hate him, and I don't adore people who like him. He is neither a god for me, nor a simple human; he stands on the third side of the coin that I often toss at times of despair.

Whatever, he is surely a god for people who get to have their disease treated free of cost in a superspeciality. In today's world where there is nothing free, specially the complex medical treatment is out of reach of poor, they become fortunate enough to cure their pain free of cost. And, then they would not care if the superspeciality is built from the Black money or white. In this world of corruption and selfishness, he is a god who does something for poor. And, then I won't care if he is fake or anything; he is god if he can gift a smile on face of poor.

Well, the twelve-hour waiting time on Howrah station has been a hectic halt. Went across the Ganges. Ganges River is considered the purest in Hindu religion. There were people who were bathing, a little far a man was washing his shoes there, and next to him a person was brushing his teeth. A few metres away, an old woman was washing her clothes and a person popped off collecting Ganga jal on a small jar that he would worship lord shiva with; a part of which he would retain for his last breath. The walk through the narrow street market named 'Bada Bazaar' was tiring. In contrast to its name, it was crowded, stinky and full of street foods. There are no rules of Hygiene and locals are enjoing every bit of street dishes.

It's 1349 Hrs now, and have my train only at 1550 hrs, and I have no other option now than to keep track of the rush in this station.

There are no beautiful girls, no high heels and plenty of housewives with dark circles accompanied by their husbands carrying at least two children and five bags.

Time for another round of chai....

Time to sign off till my next post, and that will be soon.

Missing my dearest sis; calculating the time difference everytime I watch the clock ticking; and thanking god everytime I miss her.

C ya....

Third side of a coin....

Every good or bad things that have ever happened to you are just a mere coincidence.... People often believe that a coin has two sides...but there is a third side in there too...

I often suffer a feeling of dilemma to choose between the theories proving the existence of a superpower. While my heart prefers believing that 'God - the super-being' exists, my brain judges its existence when things don't go my way. I'm sure everyone feels the same way as I feel. We are human and it's natural for us to remember god or look forward for his divine miracle only when we are suffering pain.

Since ages when human first attained consciousness, there is this debate that a super-power exists. A group of people have always been believing that they are controlled by something invisible while the other group disagree to this theory, and hence they are tagged as 'atheists'. Even in the first group, there are many belief systems as to what this invisible controller is. Some define it as God; and depending on what religion they follow, god itself is again perceived differently by different minds. While this definition is always criticized by atheists on grounds of scientific theories which tends to prove the non-existence of any such entity.

When I turn into a believer, I see things happening only on his will. I feel the cause of my happiness is the good thing I've done. And, the cause of their misery is the bad things they might have done. I don't question unless I find it going against my happiness. When things go terribly bad, I start to call him with an anticipation that bad times would fade away with his compassion. Two possibilities, either things will change, or will remain intact. If things change the way I want it to change, I thank him, and if not, I start questioning its existence.

When I find myself doubting its presence, I see my happiness as a mere coincidence. I feel the cause of my happiness was not the good thing I've done, but is a condition that I happened to live coz everything was in my favor. And, the cause of their misery is not the result of bad things they have done but simply because their environment is not in their favor. I question its existence and I start believing that money and power can do anything.

Science has not proved its existence, neither has it been able to prove that it doesn't exist. And, Science is never a complete knowledge, it changes when new theories are built.

In this state of dilemma, I often feel it's logical to toss a coin and let it decide its fate...if it turns head, it exists, if it turns tail, it doesn't. Coz, both are true for me; just depends what I want it to be.

I toss the coin expecting it to be head when I want him to exist, and I expect it to turn tail when I'm atheist. Like everyone I also believe the coin can have only two sides, either he exists or he doesn't......... Tossed up the coin...but the coin has stood on its breadth. Neither head nor tail....

The third side.... there's the answer to our question.... does it exist, or it doesn't?

Dreams...

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.” -- Douglas H. Everett

Dreams……………we try hard to get it… we work hard on it… and we sacrifice all our happiness for the sake of our dreams……..
Hopes….we strive to get something we want to have……. Struggle…we keep on trying hard n hard n hard until and unless we reach there….
And when dreams are shattered….hopes die….We cry...get tears...n it looks like whole world gonna end for us....
And, when we are in pain....no words of consolation works....n only we can feel the real pain....
But here is where we are different from others..... we just can't lose hope and give up....
... we can't stop dreaming..........for we believe our dreams need to be real....

"When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going" -- Joseph P. Kennedy

Hopes never die…struggle never ends…and dreams are always there…

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Paulo Coelho

O my mama!

O my mama!

Like a moonlight
Heal our darkness!
Tears we pray with
Bless us with happiness

We seek nothing but your love
Problems; help us sail through ocean
Weak are we, give us strength
Miracle; help us change our lives

We might be wrong, mistakes we always do
Intent we carry to make a better world
Dreams; help us make it real

O my mama!

We Have to Grow UP
We Have to Grow Up
We Have to Grow up
And Fly High

Like Sunrise, we will shine
And make our life beautiful
With memories, we shall believe
All Good things we gonna see

And, the path will lead us
To a place
where we will smile
Gardens of happiness, we'll create
Sadness and tears we will fight

No matter what it takes
World behind us might change
This inspiration will never die
We have to grow up, and fly high

Like a bird...

Kiddingly, this song/video is the one to be played on my death day/anniversary... nothing serious about it...just kidding.. :)

Words & Voice by
Gopal Trital

Like a bird

Time has gone like a sand slipped through my hand
Memories will fade, your love will remain
Hey, 'm flying away....
Like a bird we sang, and this is the end
isn't it..

Someday we cried, someday we laughed
Here and there we ran, for a minute we died
A reason I saw you in your eyes,
Life,it's strange, where we gonna fly...

Like a bird will we come back and meet again
Memories will fade, your love will remain

Many things to stop me here...
I really don't wanna leave you there...
But still I can't help, not to cry

Like a bird will we come back and meet again
Memories will fade, your love will remain
But 'm proud..
All the pains we tackled,
problems, they couldn't make us suffer
and, still we were strong...
the more we fell...
the more we grew up...
isn't it...

So please don't cry...
Like a bird we will come back n meet again
Memories will fade, your love will remain

Like a bird,
Yes, we gonna fly back again
and meet again
Like a bird,
Yes, we gonona come back again
Memories won't fade, and your love will remain..


Life...a little funny, a little wonderful, a little bad, a little long....
Life...a little beautiful, a little wrong, a little right, a little everything...
----Gopal.....

Dedicated to

my soul sister....

without u, life wouldn't have been this beautiful...

and meaningful.....

" ....more precious than anything...."

" ..... a smile on your face.....a meaningful reason to see myself happy...."

"...... dreams......simplest form of what we really wish things to be...."

" ...... worries those don't occupy just a mind space rather inspires to move ahead...."

" ...... moments not just beautiful coz it's good rather it's true......"

"...... love that is beyond conditions.... "

" ...... pain that doesn't make me lone but makes more closer to you......."

" ...... prayers - sincere, so pure, and yet so divine.... "

" ...... words - unspoken, unheard, yet so understood....."

" ...... differences - existing, not to prove who is right, but always our way to learn...."

" ...... sadness that never stays hidden, always been read through eyes...."

"....... life that will never die at least in your heart though useless to many others ..."

Many people feel I should regret for I resigned out of Standard Chartered Bank, did not go for the confirmed job in IOM, and chose to stay in UNDSS.....for they think, I could have earned a little more or my job would have been a little more secured out there......and today, even after this job seems falling, I don't regret coz I have gained what I call more precious to me than whatever money I could have earned.

" ........though 'm sure to lose it, at least I'm living a life that will soon perish, with a smile....."

" ........ and even if it dies, memories still gonna rise, and rain inspiration for many others..... "

With love, Gopal

Give me truth…

01:35 AM, 04 April 2011

Out of nowhere, I am typing in my thoughts, my blog after a long gap, views I didn't prefer to jot down. I am talking to myself, what exactly am I doing right now rather than taking a bit of rest or having a late night "breakfast" or watching a movie. My TV is still shouting out loud "India's WC victory on Aaj Tak, finally muted. Few people wonder if I do watch the "Occasionally aired erotic Russian Channel", and I wonder why I don't prefer to watch it. Long have gone the ages that pornography is confined; people no longer have to wait for midnight shows, it's all easily accessible in internet where you can download for free; movies with obscene scenes are no longer considered vulgar; well conservative mind should now understand, world has now changed; the only thing important is you need to be true. Being a part of today's generation, if someone denies that he/she is unknown to porn; he/she is acting fake. It's only the truth, good attitude and self discipline that really makes a person different; leads him along a noble and human path. What's the difference between Terrorist and Security forces; both have guns; one follows the path of inhumanity while the other seems to protect humanity. Having said that, I don't back up the need of pornography, I am against it, the way it goes against Women where feminine is only linked with sexual aspect of male dominant society. There have been debates over this topic, questions raised to minimise its presence, but still left unheard and unanswered. Personally, I find no any positive aspects in porn, it cultivates negative thoughts towards females; it portraits women as a substance with no any intellectual being; where 90% of world is still male dominant, it just helps to worsen the exploitation.

Well, ‘m not watching it…but to have written these words in a public page might be considered wrong; I really do believe in showing your true side of life, even if it’s dark. Your truth might never hurt anyone the way your fake being hurts.

Just realized, was distracted, so, here is what I really wanted to write.

Sometime I really do wonder if I need to change the way I am; but again, I fail to. I see relatives around me who are faking each other for the sake of money, friends back biting in each other’s absence and duality everywhere. When a person feels loved, he feels hurt when he later knows that he was loved to extract things out of him. One of my friends recently summarized his story; the way his aunty used to treat his grandfather. The old man was quite happy that his daughter-in- law loves and respect him which he was quite sure of, the way she used to talk good things to him in his presence. But whenever the grandfather was out of house, my friend’s aunty fired out her anger towards the old man, like how a burden he has been, and she is all doing this only coz she expects he would later sign his land to her. Grandfather comes, her fake smile, and again grandfather feels loved and cared.

These days, all I hear and witness is, relatives acting unreal. I wonder why they always feel like overrating someone makes a person happy. I have observed people who are good inside but so fake to the world outside; I do hate meetings that tend to focus on topics concerning someone else. I love to be with people but I want to keep the conversation going on about either you or me, when it comes to pinching someone else who is not present in the gathering – “something that you never have gut to express in their presence”, I can imagine you talking about me somewhere else where I would not be present.

About two years ago, I was shocked when I attended a small gathering; the way they were expressing views about a woman employee, the one who have been working with them for more than five years. And I realized, how fake is the world, how fake is everything, and how powerless I really am. It took quite a long time for me to come out of it. I wonder, why, is this the indication, I need to change?

Not just that recent past, I could see friends misunderstanding, colleagues fighting and parties being converted into a theatre of obscene language and allegation. While everyone points out “alchohol or mistakes or blah blah blah” the reason for a sudden eruption; I point it out – it’s a threshold of fake identity that bursts sometime. Had you been true, you might not have been so good, but still, you might not have hurt the other person, the way your fake identity has hurt.

I confess, I am not a social person, I don’t have bunch of friends and I can’t talk to you like the way you can talk to me, but at least, whatever I give you, I try to give you true. I’m proud to have a few true friends who are always there even when I’m happy or sad, quite lucky to have my dearest soul sister who is always true to me and who I can be true with, my other sister far yet so close who understands me and above all, my grandmother who was always a true being, she never cared if someone would get angry or happy by her true views, she never talked greasy, she never acted.

I don’t want to give anyone a fake happiness, fake love and I really don’t enjoy when I am not true. Still, the environment I live in tends to change me, why and for what, and I wonder would I ever be able to adapt with the way everyone is enjoying the fake identities around....

... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth….(Alexander Supertramp, “Into The Wild’ paraphrased Thoreau)